ok - so a lot of my friends have been suggesting to me that i need to do things differently than the way that i have been doing things.  "you can't live alone", "you can't solve the global poverty problem by yourself", "you can't have imaginary girlfriends" - can't can't can't…  well, i'm a "Canadian", and not a "can't-adian" so i'm going to start to change things that i CAN change.

starting with man-gadgets.  i have a trusted cell phone (sony-ericsson z520), my ipod touch, and my new canon sd750.  that's three bricks that i need to carry with me when i want to go out on my urban adventures.  totally weak.  i need something that will do all of the things that these things do, in the following order of priority:

• 3G or even GSM phone that will allow me to talk in a reasonable speaking voice rather than shout;
• a device that integrates with Microsoft Outlook (because anyone and everyone worth their salt uses outlook to manage their calendar and their contact list) - and maybe even Microsoft Live Messenger, because who doesn't like getting random chats throughout the day to make them look popular;
• an audio recording function that will allow me to take spoken notes, or chase after my cat hans when he is making that crazy wailing sound, so that i can sample him for a better ringtone;
• a proper camera with decent optics and aperture settings and digital zoom so that i can take reasonable quality, low light photos when i'm at the club, or wandering around the world, so that my photos won't look like they were taken underwater during an earthquake while i was having an epileptic seizure - video, not so important;
• a media player that will allow me to store more than 5 songs - let's say, 4GB worth of digital media - so that i can withstand a cross-country flight, or watch a resampled downloaded episode of LOST or 24;
• a device with a full-featured, javascript-capable, flash-player positive web browser so that i can sit on a patio and update my blog or watch my youtube videos;
• a device that will allow me to receive and send SMS text messages and facebook updates using more than 12 keys;
• a device that vibrates or makes audible noises so that i can write alerts at work to myself to remind me to do things when i get home;
• a slick, themable interface that i can customize - actually customize, not just select from the four themes that the device ships with and then never get new ones.  ever;
• a device that i can put into my pants pocket and not make (a) my ass look blocky, (b) me look like i've just taken five Viagra pills, (c) me wish that i had bought a holster for my belt so that i can usher in a new "stormtrooperesque" fashion trend;
• a device with a distinctively laser-etched apple logo on the back;
• a note-taking feature that steve jobs won't make me pay an additional $20 bucks for;
• an e-book reader, because transporting 2,000 books back-and-forth-and-back-and-forth across the country gets freaking expensive, even though e-books don't look nearly as impressible as a wall-full of book spines;
• a device that i can put on one of those cool Microsoft Surface tables and have it order my martini the way that i like - and maybe issue some clever flirtatious remarks to the waitress at the same time;
• a multi-touch interface that doesn't suck and has a copy-paste-clipboard-feature-that-i-have-no-idea-how-to-integrate-but-someone-else-might;
• an SDK that industrious big-heads like myself can use to create his or her own clever applications;

the first company to do all of these things - maybe RIM or apple have already done it - and make this device available to me, here in wintery Canada - will get my… $200?  with no 3-year contractual commitment (?!?!)!  that is a solemn vow!!!

- g

song of the day for demanding something from the world: whip it, devo.