today, i’ve resided in toronto for one year.  one year, starting in about an hour.

i remember the taxi ride from the airport a year ago, coming into the core from the pearson airport.  i was full of excitement and trepidation - leaving things that were familiar and stable and well-known for a fate that was uncertain and unpredictable and completely contingent on my ability to forge a future for myself.  and of course, there was the promise of a rewarding and fruitful relationship!  so much promise and so much potential in that first step towards a new adventure!

within the last year, so many many things have changed and it’s been a challenge that i now see as exciting to swerve and bank and lean into these curves to try and stay rolling!  i was so expecting that things would unfold according to an expectation or a plan, and it’s sad that it has taken this many years of my life to realize that plans are fluid, not rigid, and that working them through is more like a dance than a march between A and B.

the funny thing for me is that i know this dance!  i’ve been doing it all my life and i’ve been without marching plans for the longest time - it’s just taken me a while to remember that it’s something familiar and fun.  i had my marching orders from a young age (“you should be a lawyer; you should be a government official; you should be a hollywood star”, etc.), and i’ve always careened away from that plan to find something fascinating and challenging and worthwhile.  in fact, i would hazard to say that things have gone most wrong and hurt the most people when i try to follow the paths that were clearest before me.

someone told me that a better balance between knowing what to do and “letting the chips fall where they may” was 20-80 rather than 80-20... and as much as i love fight club, it’s taken me this whole last year to see that was the case.  letting the chips fall where they may have got me more happiness in the last couple of months than i’ve had in the longest time - the most advancement - the most fruition - the most realization of potential... i’m revelling in this time, and it has all been so completely unexpected and surprising.

the beauty of life is in the world around you, if you choose to see it and embrace it.  the ugliness in life is what we allow ourselves to be distracted by while we ignore life’s richness.  and the beauty of life is in cats who still love you enough to snuggle and claw at you while you try to blog your one-year anniversary in a brand new-yet-familiar city.

- g