while i myself am not a big believer in anything superstitious, i recently received a tarot reading from an old friend who knows me best.  i don't put much stock into it, but the card paintings are lovely.  the question posed was "will i (ever) be happy in love, or am i destined to be alone?"  i think that i've already figured out the answer, but it's nice to have promise of an escape clause once in a while.

the past

the present

the future

the advisor

THE PAST: Queen of Pentacles - Reversed
in the Past position.
A card in the left position indicates what has happened to affect your question in the past.
A controlling woman. A bully. One who cares little for anything but money. Overweening greed. Abuse of the vulnerable. A calculating sort who befriends only to serve her own ends. Suspicion, danger. Beware of one lacking a conscience.

THE PRESENT: Four of Wands - Reversed
in the Present position.
A card in the middle position indicates what is affecting your question at this time.
Small, irritating setbacks. Stubborn snags. Lack of outside interest. Progress, but time and effort could be better spent elsewhere. Being caught in a behavioural rut. Sarcasm.

THE FUTURE : Seven of Wands
in the Future position.
A card in the right position indicates your questions future.
Courage, determination, and creative thinking. Portends a good time to hazard a gamble. Though the odds may seem against you, there are advantages to your position. The victory of a major battle paves the way to opportunity and a positive cycle in life. Taking a stand. Guarding principles and dreams. Fending off predators. Silencing naysayers.

AND…THE ADVISOR: The Hanged Man - Reversed
Futile attempts to revive something past. Thwarted efforts. Illusion. Blind shoots that do not flower. Not knowing when it is wise to surrender. Unrealistic expectations. Disappointment and delusion. Ego. Martyr of an unworthy cause. Missing the point of a lesson.

- g

ps. it has dawned on me, re-reading this posting, that it comes off a little harsh. it was certainly not my intention to equate anyone in my life with anyone in this reading (with the possible exception of the hanged man, who i reserve for myself). as i wrote, i don't really put much stock in horoscopes or tarot - they are interpretive tools that people have used in the less-introspective past to structure ideas about how things are, but they are by no means more meaningful or predictive than anything else. if anything they are more random, and sometimes, that randomness can help us to look at things in a new way.

what this reading DOES say to me is this. in the past, i've been led by some who would not know me well enough to recognize that i seek permission to be myself because i often feel that who i am is too imbalanced or unusual to be let loose. the queen of pentacles is a warning therefore to me to be myself, in spite of my relationships. the setbacks in my present situation are minor setbacks of my own creation - i obsess about minutae because i want to please everyone all of the time, and i turn every single scenario over in my head a thousand times to make sure that i haven't missed any possible aspect of interpretation (although in doing so, i almost invariably miss the big picture, which has been my downfall on many occassions). the seven of wands shows me that there is a future worth braving the past and present to find. i might not find it sooner or even later... but with courage and perseverance, it just might find me if i stay true to myself.

the hanged man? that one eludes me. i'm not sue of exactly what role the "advisor" position holds, other than to qualify the previous draws. in the past, i've drawn the fool and the wheel of fortune for this spot, and in both cases, i was somewhat tickled. the hanged man is somewhat less joyous a pull. i take it to mean that i have not taken my due diligence in heeding the lessons from the past to inform my actions. it indicates my own arrogance to think that i understood so much that i could proceed however i saw fit, never thinking of more than myself - or maybe thinking of all the wrong things still from the frame of reference relating to me. whatever the case, there's a dire message that needs heeding in this.

i think that it bears mentioning that this reading comes on the heels of epiphanies about exactly who and what i am, and where i am in life and canada. i know what i've lost recently and i know what that means to me. i know what i have to do next, and i know where i'm going now, and none of that understanding makes it any easier to do, but that is the challenge of life. even when we are so very blessed as to have the way shown to us, we are still challenged with the difficulty of walking that path. matters could be so infinitely worse than they are for me. but that doesn't make me miss her any less.

- g