i awoke this morning, wondering what kind of christmas i would have, being so far away from my family and friends - being farther away from them than i have ever been at christmas. so far, i've been extremely content to avoid the vacuity of christmas jingles, the crush of the malls and the shops, to spend my nights reading or exercising, to keep in touch with my friends and family as suited my schedule, and generally to carry on as if christmas was just another holiday.

it's been some time since i've been impressed with christmas. most likely it is the case that my solitude is amplifying my ability to appreciate each moment and to really consider what each card and gift and sentiment means, and so as a whole, what the entire spirit of the season can signify. i'm sure that this is the case. but this year has been very different and i think that i am starting to understand the season in a more personal and profound respect than what tradition or common sentiment has been able to communicate to me.

i wept upon opening my first christmas card. the sentiments and feelings that emerged from it were so thoughtful and so privately personal i was immediately overwhelmed. i allowed the love and concern contained within its few words to wash over me and restore me. i opened the two simple gifts that so completely and perfectly encapsulated a dear friendship that has spanned 20 years and countless disappointments and celebrations. the joy from the simplest things should never be underestimated, and they taught me an incredibly valuable lesson about life and about myself.

i consider it a personal failing to have wasted the last 37 or so christmases, including this one. even a hardened atheist like myself has to recognize the opportunity that this time of year allows to bring peace and love to those around him or her. this has been my christmas epiphany, and it has been a joy for me to revel in it all day. next christmas will be very different for me, in so many ways. hell, today and tomorrow will be different in so many ways!!

merry christmas, to all!! love each other like it was your last day on earth!!

- g